Inside: Toddler won’t poop in the potty? Are you dealing with poop withholding, fear of the potty, or a toddler who just won’t sit on the potty? Today I’m going to share with you some practical, real life tips to help your toddler get comfortable with pooping on the potty.
When you become a mom, no one prepares you for what happens when your toddler will.not.poop.no.matter.what.
And yes, I realize this topic is very personal and I’m sure one day when my toddler is all grown up, she’ll say something like: you wrote about my bowel movements…on the internet??
And I will say YES. Yes, my dear child. For if I can save at least one other parent out there the never-ending struggle of dealing with a toddler who will not poop in a potty, then I have done my job as a mom and member of society.
If your toddler won’t poop in the potty, and you feel like you’ve tried everything, I promise I have some solutions for you. Buckle up, friends. This is an informative one.
This post is packed with information, so if you can’t read it all now, be sure to Pin it, so you can find it when you most need this advice!
It was 6am…
As I knelt on the floor of the bathroom, head in my hands, begging my almost-2-year-old to just poop, I thought to myself, Marla, pull yourself together. You have a master’s degree, you gave birth (without any drugs) TWICE. How is it possible that this very seemingly little thing, has got you completely undone?
It was then my husband called from Walmart (yes, at 6am), “which little potty should I get?”
“I don’t know,” I replied. “Whichever seat you think she’ll like best.” (BIG mistake, although I didn’t know it at the time)
20 minutes later…
“Look we got you this special Minnie Mouse potty for you to poop on!”
No dice. Several days later. Zip. Zilch. Zero poop in the $30 Minnie Mouse potty.
So back it went to Walmart.
At the time, our 23 month old was extremely verbal for her age, and could pretty much communicate in full sentences. However, when it came to poop, she just could not explain whatever was going on in her head. Potty training for #1 was a success. #2, not so much, hence this post.
I was desperate. I Googled, I texted friends. And I just couldn’t find answers. Everything I found on the internet just claimed it was “normal” and it would happen “eventually.”
Friends would text back saying things like “I don’t remember, they just did it eventually, I think.”
This wasn’t enough for me. I needed answers. My toddler would not poop in a pull-up (or her underwear) forever. There had to be another way.
Related: How to Potty Train Before 2
When Your Toddler Won’t Poop in the Potty: Battles Fought (And Mistakes Made)
The first day of potty training, everything was going fine…until she realized she had to poop. I’ve never seen such a look of panic on her face before. Our little girl was red and appeared to be holding her breath. Suddenly her behavior changed for the worst.
And can you blame her?
I wanted to help her so badly, and I didn’t know what to do.
The first mistake I made was to panic right alongside her. I just wasn’t prepared for this to happen and I totally let it show. I plopped her on the potty again and told her it was okay to poop in the potty, just like going pee.
I tried to convince her in any way possible. She stared back at me in horror. I made up the most awful poopy songs, I begged, I read approximately every book she’s ever owned, I promised ice cream and Daniel Tiger toys.
As a mom, I had really hit a new low.
What I didn’t know at the time, as smart as this child was, she didn’t actually know what I was talking about.
To adults, this lingo is very simple: poop in the potty. But for a toddler who has never done their business anywhere but their diaper, “pooping in the potty” was like a foreign language. Days went by, still no poop.
At this point we thought we were done with potty training since she was peeing in the potty just fine. So we put her in big girl undies and figured the poop thing would just work itself out. And man, we were so wrong. Within the hour, there was a poop…in the big girl undies.
Instead of saying something productive like “Thank you for getting your poop out. Poop goes in the potty, not in your underwear.”
We celebrated like she had just won the gold medal. We were overwhelmed by the fact that she had finally pooped, we didn’t care where she did it. Pooping in her underwear became “normal” for her. She was essentially treating it like a diaper.
But for us, the alternative (not pooping at all) seemed a whole lot worse. So we accepted the fact that she was just going to poop in her underwear for a little while.
Related: Nighttime Potty Training: Everything You Need to Know
Looking back, I made so many mistakes and probably could have fixed this problem sooner, but you know what they say, hindsight is 20/20.
After about a week, she realized she could hold out for her naptime diaper, and she finally stopped using her underwear as a personal potty. I don’t even want to talk about the laundry situation. I just don’t.
6 months later… (toddler won’t poop…still)
She was still holding on to her poop until she was diapered at naptime or bedtime. We had considered trying nighttime training, but with the new baby, we just weren’t in the right mindframe at the time.
Within those 6 months we had gently encouraged her to use the potty for # 2, but after reading on the internet so many times that toddlers saving poop for a pull-up was normal, I kept convincing myself that it would work itself out.
Then one day I took a leap of faith. I took a few steps backward and ordered a little potty that we called her “special poo poo potty” – and not the fancy Minnie Mouse potty that was essentially a toy – an actual, ergonomic potty meant for poop. Why did it take me so long to do this?
She had been potty trained for the better part of 6 months using the regular toilet, and I was worried this would cause some kind of regression. But after this miracle potty arrived in the mail, it dawned on me that I should have had one of these things from the beginning, instead of just the insert for the regular toilet.
Then one enchanted evening…
I somehow convinced her to sit on the little potty in her pull-up to poop (we had tried this initially to no avail, but we were ready to try again). And after that first time, this became her norm for a little while. Now I knew we were getting somewhere.
About a month later, I suggested that she try sitting on the potty without her pull-up, and like it was nothing, she just sat down and did her business. The next morning I hid all of the pull-ups at the top of the linen closet. We were finally done.
Looking back, I realize now that I probably could have shortened the six-month-holdout, but in the moment, I was just trying to do what I felt was best for our girl. I also didn’t realize the many mistakes I made along the way. Which leads us to the next part…
When Your Toddler Won’t Poop in the Potty: Lessons Learned
First, before you do anything else, please, PLEASE order a copy of Oh Crap, Potty Training – I wish so badly that I would have known about this book before I started potty training in the first place (if you’ve read my cloth diapering posts then you know I’m no stranger to epic mom-brain fails).
This post is not sponsored or anything, this is just straight up real advice from one mom to another – get the book, you won’t regret it. It taught me so much about what we were doing wrong poop-wise, and made me realize how we could have done everything differently.
Alright, so here’s where you may either A) Really think I’m an idiot or B) Realize that is exactly the advice you’re looking for.
If Your Toddler Won’t Sit on the Potty…
Try using the little potty first. It’s much less intimidating and easier for them to sit on. Give it a fun name like “the magic poo poo potty” and come up with whatever terrible songs you can think of.
I’ve also learned that trying to give your toddler your phone in the hopes that they will sit on the potty and poop actually doesn’t work (at least it didn’t for us). They’ll end up just sitting there in order to watch the show.
- Bribery, offering rewards, using phones or tablets – all of these things are distractions from what you actually want them to do. I totally understand the idea of trying to get your toddler comfortable enough to sit down and poop, but using rewards is a bottomless pit that can be hard to dig your way out of.
- If your toddler can make the connection between what you’re telling them to do (poop in the potty) and what their body actually needs to do (relax the anal sphincter…(yep)…and let the poop out), then rewards won’t be necessary.
I have found that coaching your toddler through this is sort of like coaching someone through labor. Seriously. Think about it. You don’t want to make them feel nervous or scared, you’re gently trying to get them to relax and just let go, take a few deep breaths and just let the magic happen.
If Your Toddler Won’t Poop Without their Diaper…
They may not know exactly what to do. It took us a long time to realize this was the case. It’s not like a toddler is going to say to you, “Poop in the potty? But mommy, how do I do that?” Even if they have sat in the bathroom with you while you’ve done your business (#momlife), they need to now learn how to do that with their own body.
- Try demonstrating using your fist and playdough or by whatever means necessary. Yes, I’m serious.
- Remind them that sometimes they have to sit for a minute or two before the poop is “ready” – just like mommy and daddy.
- Show them your fist all closed up and say something like “this is your poop gate, when you open your poop gate (now unclench your fist) the poop slides out of you, and into the potty, and when you’re all done we’ll flush and say ‘bye bye, poop!'” – if this sounds crazy to you, again, probably not the right post for you 🙂
If too many days have gone by and your toddler won’t poop (aka withholding), you can try a little bit of diluted prune juice to help get things moving along (I like Lakewood Organic brand). Just make sure they are naked on bottom when you try this. I am not a peditrician by any means, this is just mom-to-mom advice.
Lessons Learned Recap
- Buy the Oh Crap, Potty Training book. It will change your life.
- If your toddler won’t poop, hold off on using underwear. Try going naked (on bottom) at home. Underwear can mimic a diaper and cause them to use it as a personal potty (see battles fought above)
- Don’t buy a fancy $30 Minnie Mouse potty (at Walmart at 6AM). Just get something simple that allows them to sit ergonomically, with their knees slightly higher than their tush.
- Demonstrate using some playdough and use easy language like “let the poop slide out“
- Whatever you do, be consistent, but don’t be overbearing – and definitely, definitely don’t panic!
- Try not to force them, but also, don’t be like me and let 6 months go by just assuming this is the new normal, it doesn’t have to be.
If your toddler won’t poop on the potty and you have any specific questions regarding your scenario, or my experience with this, I am happy to help! Just write me in the comments below.
Disclaimer: I am not a pediatrician, or expert of any sort. I am just a mom sharing her experiences. This blog post is for informational purposes only. If you have additional concerns, please discuss them with your toddler’s pediatrician. This post contains Amazon Affiliate links for your convenience. I only recommend products that I love and use myself!
I’ve potty tried my oldest two girls at the same time. It was fun times. lol It’s about time for my youngest to start potty training. She just turned 2 this weekend. She has sat on it before on several occasions, but hasn’t gone before.
I think this is one of those things that you block out as you grow out of these stages of motherhood. I was trying to think about if I went through any of this with my two kids and I honestly can’t remember, which I guess is a good thiing 😉
I’m going through this right now and these are some great tips! Thanks so much for sharing!
Oh wow! What a struggle you went through, but you found the magical solution! I am pinning this for future reference. I knew another family that went through this same ordeal years ago!
I have a 3 year old boy and a 3 month old boy. Ive been trying to potty train him before his brother was born and he’s been peeing in the big toilet just fine, but doing th #2 has been rough, exhausting and sometimes im just over it. He actually did it 2x in his small potty where when you flush it mimics the sound of flushing. But after that… he stopped going and even trying to sit on the potty. When he feels like he has to poop, he asks for his pull-ups or he goes and grabs it and takes his undies off to change into his pull-ups to poop. ? i ask him to just try and sit on his potty with his pull-ups on, he says “no”, i bribe him with toys or chocolate, “no” i even tell him “okay, no toys or you can’t open your new toy until tou poop in your potty.” He slowly realizing ok i can’t open my new toys and he’s okay with that. I even ask him, how come he doesn’t want to poop in the potty now and he did it 2x before, he says its too hard? So i dont know if its a regression now that ever since his brother was born and he see’s me changing his brother’s diapers its ok for him to still be in diapers when he needs to poop. I mean dont take me wrong, i still do have him in his pull-ups at bedtime because he’s still very full with shi shi that sometimes he wets his bed still. ??♀️ Which is another thing because he’s loves to drink water and i try to have him not drink too much liquids before bedtime but still. Please any help is appreciated
Hi Tawny, I totally get it! Please know you are not alone in this dilemma!
When we first started potty training I also had my toddler sleep in a pull-up at night, but as soon as she pooped in the little potty (and I realized she could do it) I hid the pull-ups and we immediately nighttime trained. When I would get up to nurse the baby I would go into my toddler’s room and have her pee in the little potty right in her room.
My girl also LOVED to drink so much at dinner, but we had to start limiting her. One trick that really worked was to give her a “special” new cup, about the size of an espresso cup, for water at dinnertime. This had the effect of making her feel like she was drinking more than she actually was.
We were also just finishing up potty training when my 2nd was born, and I made it a point of reminding her that babies wear diapers and big girls wear undies, and I probably repeated this like 100x times a day!
I think if he’s done it twice, he probably could do it again if he knew that a diaper/pull-up wasn’t an option, especially since he’s able to verbally ask for it.
In the “Oh Crap, Potty Training” book I mentioned in this post, she gives SO much amazing advice on all of the various dilemmas with poop. She mentions in the book that with kids over 3, it’s often more about power struggles than it is about actual potty training. I definitely would recommend her book, it was a lifesaver for me. She has a whole section about what to do with a child over 3 who hasn’t finished potty training – so you may find the answers you’re looking for there!
I really hope this helps in some way!
I have a very energetic, strong-willed 2.5 almost 3 year old girl. Started potty training 2 months ago and of course she caught on to peeing on potty (std toilet with insert) with no problem. But #2 forget it. It was an issue before training, where she would only poop at naptime & bedtime (probably when she’s most relaxed). But now she stays dry/poop-free at night & if we’re lucky maybe goes during naps. We’ve been trying to keep everything soft in her system- avoiding typical food that may cause constipation. I have to run around all day to keep her hydrated, sigh she is not a good drinker on her own either. Days are really long & exhausting. She’s had a plain little potty from the beginning & I offer that and a pull-up as an option. And nothing. I’ve shown her videos of kids doing #2 even ones younger than her. And nothing. She’s gone with me when Mommy has to go. And you guessed it nothing. I know motherhood comes with challenges but this is just nightmarish as you really can’t go anywhere like fests or vacations because you can’t give her so many foods. I cannot find anyone who has had both these issues- will not poop in anything,potty or pull-up, so I just figured maybe you know someone or someone else who’s gone through this can help. Thanks for reading.
Hi – I just want to start out by saying, this is just mom-to-mom advice, please remember that I am not a pediatrician (or any kind of professional). I would definitely recommend the “Oh Crap Potty Training” Book which I linked to in this post. She goes in depth into every possible poop-related scenario. I do believe she also does one-on-one consultations which you can find here: http://www.jamieglowacki.com/all-things-potty-training. Based on what you wrote, it sounds like maybe it’s a good idea to take a break from potty training and not talk about it or discuss poop at all since it’s sounds like stress or anxiety about pooping might be the issue. After a break, I would ditch the pull-up altogether – sort of remove the “safety net”. And I realize this means nighttime/naptime training, but it sounds like it would be worth it. I would stay home for a few days and do no pull-up and no bottoms, so that she won’t have any pants to poop in. Sort of going back to stage 1 with potty training. Without the pull-up/underwear/pants, she may withhold her poop, but she’ll have to go eventually. In the book she mentions that it’s normal if they withhold poop for a few days before they’ll finally go. You can try diluted prune juice or Mama’s Bliss Constipation Ease and eventually she’ll have no choice but to go. If she poops anywhere other than the potty, you can tell her “poop goes in the potty, not [fill in the blank], and without any other option, it should click eventually. If you haven’t already, I would definitely consult with your pediatrician, because, as you mentioned, she had issues with pooping before you started potty training. I really hope this advice was helpful, no one should have to go through this, there is almost nothing more stressful!
Sooo, my 3 year old pees with no problem in the toilet ( i have both, the insert and the small potty). He quickly moved to underwear but doesn’t mind using pull ups or diapers, however, he will not poop in the toilet. He sits on it but poops in his undies, if I change to pull-ups, then he decides he doesn’t need to pee in the toilet anymore. I tried all type of rewards, i tried attention, no attention, you name it, and he says “no, im gonna poo here (pointing at his underwear)”. I tried naked and he pooped on the floor and once on his shorts. … Doctor said “sounds like personality” – whatever that means!…so Im really desperate for help!
Hi Gio, thanks for commenting and sharing. I have heard similar scenarios from friends – so just know, you’re not alone!
As I mentioned in the comments to “Tired Mama” – I highly HIGHLY recommend the “Oh Crap Potty Training” book (linked in this post). She actually covers this exact scenario, with a child who understands, but refuses to poop on the potty, and then poops on the floor, or somewhere else.
From what you described, if he can tell you “No, I’m gonna poo here” then ‘understanding where to poo or how to do it’ isn’t the issue. I know it can be awful to have a child pooping on the floor or in their pants (been there!), but in theory, this should only happen a few times before it clicks. If he continues to *knowingly* poop any where other than the potty, then it sounds more like a defiance or behavioral issue. You could try diffusing the tension/power struggle with some playful parenting, making light of things, or being silly. I know what it’s like to get desperate over the pooping issue, and at 3 our kids seemingly become experts at pushing our buttons, so sometimes bringing a little “lightness” to the situation can help.
I would definitely try going back to square 1 in a sense and going bottomless at home for a few days. If he poops on the floor you could say “poop doesn’t go on the floor, it goes in the potty.” And then follow with a natural consequence. For example, if he’s playing with a toy or reading a book when this happens or right before it happens, whatever he’s playing with gets taken away. And I would be clear by saying, “when we have to poop, we stop what we’re doing and go right away to the potty. When we’re done, we can continue playing with ______.”
If you’re not ready to night-train yet, I would save the pull-ups only for nap and bedtime and not offer them to poop in at all. In this case, you may have to remove any and all “safety-nets.” I realize this is easier said than done. But I kept having to remind myself that this was a short-term pain for long-term gain scenario!
I really hope this helps, feel free to write back as necessary. Always happy to help troubleshoot.
Day 5 (block 3/4) of oh crap training. So my kiddo is peeing pretty well during the day, a few accidents hear and there but all in all making good progress. But poop! We are commando at this point and doing night training at the same time so no diapers. He poops in his pants. Everyday, he knows he’s going and says gross & yuck and comes running saying “mommy yuck, big poopy” so he’s aware it’s happenung. *ugh* not sure what to do. I’ve told him mommy doesn’t like it when we go poppy in our pants. Our poopy goes in the potty, he says okay mommy. And he helps me clean up (what he can) change, etc. he goes about his day and he pees ok. Help!!
Hey Lisa! Glad to hear it’s going well so far! Also, you are very brave doing day & night training at once – I may try that with my younger daughter. And yes, why does it always have to be so frustrating with the poop?! I feel you there.
If you’ve moved on to the block with no undies (but with pants), have you tried going back a step and removing pants as well? That way there is no safety net so to speak. My toddler had the same problem with pooping her pants. At the time I was so happy she was willing to go without a diaper I didn’t think to remove the pants to see what would happen.
Another thing to try – remove pants and underwear, and watch him like a hawk for the second he shows signs of having to poop. Immediately pick him up and run to the potty and sit him down to poop.
In my experience he will only need to go once or twice on the potty itself before it *clicks*. If you sit him down and he withholds his poop, you’ll essentially have to wait him out until his body is ready to go. You may have to take him off the potty and wait until you see signs again.
I really hope this helps!
I’m at my wits end. We did the Oh Crap method a year ago. She’s now 3 and has gone through stages where she’ll poop in the potty, but then she’ll go right back to pooping in her pants, sometimes multiple times a day. I give her many opportunities to poop in the potty. She pees in it just fine. But she’ll hold her poop and not 10 minutes later has pooped in her pants. We’ve gone commando, and still, pooping in her pants. I know she knows what to do. She just flat out refuses. And it doesn’t even phase her. She just be playing like nothings wrong and I realize she smells and there’s a load of crap in her underwear. I’m so over it. I’ve tried being nonchalant. I’ve tried going back to square one and doing rewards (I know know, that’s not what the book says). I’ve tried punishing her. And she might get it for a little while, even a few months. And then bam. Back to throwing away underwear every freaking day. I’ve been dealing with this for over a year. She tells me “poop goes in the potty,” while I’m cleaning it off her backside. And it’s soft, “healthy” poop. Not the kind I can have her scrape into the toilet and clean up herself. These articles go straight in the trash – there’s no saving them.
Hey Tina – wow, I’m sorry for what you’ve been going through! This sounds crazy frustrating. From what I have read, after 3 years old, behavior becomes a huge factor in potty training, which is what it sounds like you’re describing with her refusing to go, even though she knows how. Based on your comment (without knowing you or your toddler) this sounds a lot like a regression of sorts; since she has gone in the potty for months and then suddenly regresses. Are there any other outside factors occurring at the time of these regressions? Is it possible she’s doing it for attention, even negative attention? (no judgement, I have a 3 year old as well!). I personally love ahaparenting.com and their website has a lot of information on defiant toddler behaviors.
You mentioned that you tried commando to no avail, but what about no pants/no underwear at all while you’re home? Would she poop on the floor? You could try putting a little potty in the playroom or living room (wherever she spends most of her time), and have her just wear a shirt. I wouldn’t even try a dress or any type of clothing where something is covering her bottom. Sorry if you’ve already tried this – just trying to exhaust all options! 🙂
Another idea, if possible, is to “hire out” someone else to take over potty training – maybe grandma or another relative who lives close by or who could come visit for a week. It’s possible a change of person could do the trick?
Again, I’m sorry if you’ve already tried these options, but hopefully something here might work for you!