3 Year Old Bedtime Battles (And How to Stop Them)

Suffering from endless 3 year old bedtime battles? You’re not alone! Learn practical strategies for taming toddler bedtime tantrums and teach your 3 year old to fall asleep without the drama.

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Dealing with 3 year old bedtime battles?

Mama, you’re not alone.

The truth is, this behavior (while unbelievably frustrating) is totally normal. 

If every night you dread putting your 3 year old to bed, today I’m going to help turn things around for you. 

It goes something like this:

1. You tuck them in and say goodnight
2. They ask for another song, another story, water, a potty break
3. And then they’re tugging on your clothes begging you to stay
4. Next it’s escalated to screaming and tantruming
5. Your toddler starts following you to the door, refusing to stay in bed
6. 30-40 minutes later you’re still negotiating with them, desperately trying to get them to bed

Sound familiar?

No matter how different our children may be, they’re all essentially pulling from the same playbook 🙂

Why does my 3 year old fight bedtime?

As a stay-at-home mom I literally spend all day with my kids.

They see me from the minute they come downstairs until they close their eyes for bedtime.

When my oldest struggled with saying goodnight at bedtime I could never understand why, because she was essentially with me all day!

Something to consider when it comes to toddler bedtime battles: saying goodnight feels pretty “final” – even if you’ve been with them all day!

Separation anxiety is very real for toddlers at this age (and don’t worry, I’ll teach you how to manage this!).

I know it’s hard to accept, but this is just a small piece to the puzzle. 

At 3 years old, our little ones have a lot going on:

• Dropped or inconsistent nap
• Increased ability / independence
• Improved language skills
• Potty trained / toilet independence 
• Big emotions / big feelings
• “Threenager” – sassiness / attitude 
• Going from a crib to a toddler bed

That’s a whole lot of stuff going on in one little body. It’s no wonder they put up a fight at bedtime. 

One piece of advice I would share from my own experience is this: often we can “trigger” these bedtime battles by switching them from a crib to a toddler bed too soon.

Another factor to consider is whether their afternoon nap may be interfering with their nighttime sleep. Which leads us to this next question…

What is an appropriate bedtime for a 3 year old?

If your toddler is restless, lying awake or refusing to go to bed after having taken a big afternoon nap, it may be time to consider transitioning to quiet time, instead of naptime.

Ideally, their bedtime should be 4-5 hours after they wake up from their nap. 

So for example, if they nap from 1-3 PM, their bedtime should be around 7 PM.

However, if they still struggle to fall asleep at an appropriate time, it’s time to consider cutting out naptime. I know, it sounds horrible, but the good news is that they’ll likely fall asleep much quicker at bedtime! 

You can of course try shortening the length of the nap, but in general, ANY amount of sleep (even 30 minutes) is enough to “take the edge off” but STILL keep them up at bedtime.

My advice would be to try cutting out naps for a week and if it doesn’t work and bedtime with your 3 year old is still a nightmare, reintroduce their nap. 

• I would almost never recommend keeping them up late in the hope that they’ll fall asleep faster or sleep in later.
• A toddler who can do this would be the exception, rather than the rule.
• If kept up late, most toddlers become cranky and irritable and thus much harder to put to bed. 

To recap:

• 3 Year Olds have A LOT going on (so bossy)
• Reconsider naptime
• Separation Anxiety 

What is a good 3 Year Old Bedtime Routine?

If you don’t already, it’s a great idea to have a bedtime routine, or a standard set of steps your toddler follows every night to get ready for bed.

It also helps immensely to use printable routine picture cards, that way you can say “What’s next? Let’s check your chart!” – rather than you being the one to constantly tell them what to do. 

Using a routine chart at bedtime can really help encourage cooperation and reduce power struggles. You can grab the routine cards pictured below, here.

Related: My 3 Year Old’s Daily Routine

Here’s a basic bedtime routine to follow with your toddler:

I’ve really pared this down to keep it simple & straightforward, because as we all know, toddlers love a good power struggle right before bedtime 😄

1. Bathtime: in the summer I usually do baths after outdoor play and before dinner since the kids are usually dirty/wet. And if you only get baths done some nights, that’s fine, too.
2. PJs: keep the selection limited and allow them to choose from two pairs
3. Brush teeth: try using a timer to make it fun!
4. Stories: to avoid the endless pit of reading bedtime stories, make it your routine to include a set number of stories, and allow them to pick one or all of the stories that night – keep them short for younger toddlers. Our number is 3 stories.
5. Songs: when both girls were toddlers we also did the same 3 songs every night – as we quickly learned this helped avoid the struggle for endless or different song requests

Add-ons:

• Potty: If your toddler is potty training or fully trained, you’ll want to them to go potty as the LAST thing before they get in bed for the night
• Prayers: Many families include bedtime prayers as part of their bedtime routine
• Special Time: Just before bed is a great time to connect with your toddler one-on-one by building blocks, doing a puzzle or another quiet activity together

➡ And the most important thing: do NOT feel guilty about limiting songs or stories at bedtime. The day has to end, they have to go to sleep, and it shouldn’t drag on forever. It’s OK to say “We’ve read our 3 stories for tonight and I’d love to read this book in the morning.” 

Alright, now that we’ve considered the factors behind this, and discussed putting a routine in place, let’s move on to the main event. 

Please remember that I am not a sleep consultant, pediatrician, or professional in any way. Just a real mom sharing her experiences. Thank you for making this a safe space to share what works for me!

3 Year Old Bedtime Battles (And How to Stop Them)

So you’ve got your routine in place and you’ve been practicing it every night and your 3 year old is still screaming, crying, and carrying on at bedtime. 

*bangs head against wall*

There’s nothing more frustrating than feeling like you’re doing everything right, and still not seeing results. 

To your relief, you may find that these recommendations make your responsibilities more clear and end up making bedtime less stressful overall.

Let’s get started!

Do Not Negotiate With a 3 Year Old…

You’ve tucked them in and kissed them goodnight, and as you’re heading for the door they start begging you to stay, yelling that they’re “not tired” – or demanding more stories, more songs, etc. 

At this point you may be tempted to explain all the things you still have to get done, or the fact that you need to shower and relax, and mommy’s tired, the list goes on.

The truth is, your toddler really doesn’t care (and doesn’t have the capacity to care) about the laundry list of things you have to get done.

So explaining these things to them ends up exhausting you and is equivalent to talking to the wall. 

Don’t waste your time explaining, negotiating or making idle “threats” – keep it simple and stick to the script. 

Do Less

The temptation to start doing a bunch of different things to see what sticks, is real.

Especially if your bedtime routine has been good up until this point with no drama.

My best advice would be to do less.

Decide on a routine that works for your family, and stick with that.

The most important thing to remember is this:

Bedtime is not a circus, so we have to stop jumping through hoops, changing up routines, making promises or “threats” and putting on a whole performance to get them to go to bed.

Instead, we need to keep it simple, consistent, and go about the process as if it’s a normal part of the day – because it is!

Here’s what I’ve done with my 3 (very different) kids:

1. Go through the steps of our predictable routine: after walking the dogs, the kids go upstairs for bath time, and then its PJs, brush teeth, read stories & lights out.
2. The more this routine is practiced, the more predictable it becomes for them.
3. After lights out, either me or my husband will lay down on the floor next to the bed. On solo parenting nights, I’ve found that putting my older kids to bed first and then leaving the rest of the time for the 3 year old is easiest.
4. This routine of knowing that mom or dad will lay down in their room is what I think keeps bedtime calm. I know not everyone wants to do this (or is able to do this), but I think it’s the simplest solution and it’s what has worked for us.
5. If you find that being in their room is what is keeping them awake, try stepping out for a minute to “use the potty” – sometimes they need a minute to reset.
6. I usually wait until they fall asleep and then leave the room. I think the calming presence of mom or dad lying on the floor is really what has helped my kids go to sleep at this age.

But I know what you’re thinking – the last thing you probably want to do is lay down in their room in order for them to fall asleep, but in my experience, the alternative is much worse.

They’re constantly following you to the door, begging you to stay, getting out of bed, crying, it’s a lot – and all at the end of the day.

By making things predictable AKA they already know you’ll lay down with them, it can prevent all the drama before it starts.

And something to keep in mind: this isn’t forever.

It can certainly feel like it when you’re “in it” – but this stage is really a phase, and going about it the most predictable, calm, and routine way as possible, is really the best course of action.

As with any type of change in routine, this takes practice.

Things probably won’t change overnight, but as the week goes on (if you stick to the plan), you’ll find that your 3 year old bedtime battles are a thing of the past.

Favorite Bedtime Book (For 3 Year Old Bedtime Battles)

Breathe Like a Bear

This book is full of short breathing exercises perfect for toddlers, preschoolers, and little kids. If your 3 year old gets worked up, wild, or tends to run around crazy at bedtime, this book is the perfect addition to your routine.

The breathing exercises are simple, fun, and short! My girls love the “hot cocoa” one!

Alright, mama. You got this! DM me anytime on Instagram with questions. Always love to hear from you.

Follow Marla on Instagram for more practical ideas for everyday #momlife

What to read next:

• Preschool at Home for 3 Year Olds
• 3 Year Old Meal Ideas & Daily Feeding Schedule
• Daily Morning Routine for 3 Year Olds
• My 3 Year Old’s Daily Routine